i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
