i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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