I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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