She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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