you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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