you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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