and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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