i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
