I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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