My hand turned me down
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
