i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
