Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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