I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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