Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
