He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
