I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
