you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just want to make out with him forever
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
