I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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