Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
