I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
