After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
