"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
