i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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