She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
