I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
