You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
