school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
