return my video game
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
