just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
