Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
