i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
