omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
