if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
