i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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