My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
