I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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