Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
