You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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