around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
