smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
