whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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