i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
