I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
