Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
