When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
