She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
