my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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