Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
