My first STD was from a foam party
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
