I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
