There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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