Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
